Sarah's Thoughts
by BookWorm37
Summary: Ch. 1: What was Sarah Gardener thinking when she was preparing to dump Daniel? Ch. 2: What was Sarah thinking when she saw him again at the funeral? Ch. 3: What was Sarah thinking when she woke up at the end of Chimera? Previously called 'Leaving'
1. Leaving

A/N: This is the product of boredom after my French test today. I just started writing and after I was about half way through I realized what I was writing about. Hope you like it.

One shot, unless you all want me to continue and give me feedback for what you want to happen.

* * *

Even as I packed my bags, I wondered '_What if things were different? What if he'd shown up? What if…?_' 

I tried to turn my thought to the task at hand. No sense dwelling on what cannot and never will happen. '_No sense._' I shook my head – there was no sense in a lot of things when love is involved.

_Love_. A curse and a blessing all at the same time, it's because of him that I know what love is – and because of love that I can't forget him. Forgive him? Maybe someday. Forget him? Never. He showed me a world I had only dreamed of. And now, thanks to _him_ and _his_ love I'll never be satisfied with anything less - anything that's not _him_.

I'll _never_ be satisfied, but I _can_ learn to be content. That was one thing he never understood about me: I'd _always_ been willing to sacrifice my happiness for his.

But not anymore. No, now that I knew what his true motivation was in this relationship and that to him I was a commodity – I can never go back to what we had. What we were was based on a crumbling foundation. I came second in his life – work came first.

By this time I was finished packing, and I began to carry my things down the stairs from our bedroom out to my car. The only solace I had was in the fact that he was trying to come up with proof for his new theory and wouldn't be home for hours. That's why I was leaving in the first place. I can handle him loving his job and what he does, but there comes a point when ignoring someone taking you for granted, just becomes too much.

He was my best friend, my _boyfriend_, and my lover. He completed my soul in a way I'd never felt before. But love is not enough. It never has been and it never will be. Love is _not_ enough. That was the whole problem with our relationship – it was one sided.

Oh, the fact that he loved me was never doubted, but he was just so wrapped up in his work that he never had any _time_ for me.

We may both be archeologists – but I still need to be treated like a woman. I still need to be cared for and loved and respected.

Working through our anniversary was the last straw. Days like that should be embedded into one's memory, like dates into the annuls of history. He should have more respect for me than that. He should have a greater need to be with me so that he's able to restrict how much time he spends working.

I got into the car; tears began to form in my eyes. I was leaving the first place that had felt like home since I left home. I was leaving the first man I had ever truly loved. I was leaving my heart. But that didn't matter now – I may never recover from the heartache entirely, but I can move on. I could still have a life with a man who would remember that he had a girlfriend or a wife back at home, waiting for him to finish with his work. I thought that he could, too. We both deserved better.

That's what brought me to where I was. Dressed in the same black dress I had purchased for our two-year anniversary, driving over from my old house to dump my boyfriend – Dr. Daniel Jackson.


	2. Returning

I can't believe it. I just can't believe that after all these years of not knowing whether he was dead or alive, I've seen him.

It was like he'd fallen off the face of the earth, and I had fallen into the arms of another man. And now here he was, alive and safe.

I couldn't see anyone else with him, so I assumed he'd come alone. That's good.

Who am I kidding? Even after all of these years I, Sarah Gardener, am still in love with my old boyfriend.

Steven could see how I feel. I know he could. I've never been able to hide how I feel from Steven that's what makes him such a great boyfriend. _Made_ him such a great boyfriend. I think he knew that I was ready to dump him for Daniel, but my dearest Steven is bigger than that, and willing to take the initiative.

Pulling me to the side of the funeral party, he gently asks me the one question that effectively ends our relationship; "It was never me, was it?"

I looked down, ashamed at how I had used him. We were supposed to be getting married in less than two months! I was supposed to become the happy Mrs. Steven Rayner, but not any longer. And he knew it, too.

All along Steven had been more than willing to put work aside at nights to come home and be my boyfriend and my lover. Never once had _he_ forgotten our anniversary. But I think we both always knew. If Daniel had ever come back, even as he had just returned, I would once again become 'Daniel's girl', and cease to be Steven's.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I've always known that I was never Steven's girl. I'd _always_ been Daniel's girl; Steven was just there when I needed him. Like a good friend.

Am I sorry I used the man now letting me go? Extremely. Steven was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Am I sad that I'm now returning to the arms of my first lover, Daniel Jackson? No, I loved Daniel more than life itself.

Then there's this voice, in the back of my head, telling me that I'll never get to feel safe and secure in Daniel's arms again. It was like my heart already knew the outcome of the events that were to follow.

Even as I was returning to the man that I've always loved, I'm leaving again.

I was no longer Sarah Gardener, out to fix a wrong done many years ago. Now, I was Osiris, out to get off this god-forsaken planet and find out where my queen was. Now, I was out to kill all who got in my way finding Isis. And as a host, she would have Daniel Jackson. Then we could be together _forever_.


	3. Free

A/N: This is DEFINATELY the last chapter. I didn't plan on doing this, but I thought it would be fitting to end this with Sarah being freed of Osiris.

* * *

Pain encompassed me as I heard the scream of my symbiote as it was ripped from my body. It was hard for me to imagine what life will be like after my symbiote's gone. Osiris was with me for so long…and yet, I remember the memories of his last host – the one he had for five hundred years. I could never imagine staying host to that awful creature for so long…and yet I could. Because I remember doing it. 

The pain stopped as quickly as it began, leaving me in a daze somewhere between consciousness and sleep. I didn't want to move. For the first time in so many, long, horrendous years _my_ mind was back in control of my body.

For hours I floated in and out of consciousness. The dreams were the worst. I'd suddenly remember killing someone I hadn't even known – just for the way they looked at me! I remembered doing such horrible things that I couldn't even think about them.

But, above all, the one dream that finally forced me to wake up was when I dreamt about trying to kill my beloved Daniel. How could I ever have done something so horrible!

I heard voices mumbling around me and slowly decided that opening my eyes would be the best thing to do. I opened them slowly, tears coming readily as I saw my Daniel sitting at the foot of my bed, waiting for me to wake up. Oh, God, he'd been waiting for me! How long? Had he gotten any sleep? In those few moments tears came to my eyes as I realized he hadn't changed from the young archeologist who used to get so wrapped up in his work he'd forget about our anniversary.

"It's alright, you're safe," he hastened to reassure me. Tears come to my eyes heavily this time, but I refuse to let them fall.

"Daniel?"

He gravitated toward me without even seeming to notice, "It's all right. I'm here. It's all over. You're free."

He was so close then, and I couldn't help myself – I gather him up in one of our old hugs that we used to share, "I'm so sorry," I whispered as his hands stroke my back. For the first time since I left him all those years ago, I allowed myself to cry in the arms of the man that I love.

"It's not your fault," he mumbled back. I think he felt my tears soak his shirt.

I tried to explain to him, "I couldn't stop it." I wanted to stop it so much. He was my Daniel and that damn thing inside of me had been trying to kill him!

"I'll get you through this," he promised me.

And he held me for what felt like hours. For the first time in so long I was back, safe, within the circle of my Daniel's arms. It suddenly didn't matter if he forgot each and every one of our anniversaries in the future. I didn't care if he forgot my birthday every year and only remembered to sleep when I reminded him ten times.

I must have fallen asleep; the next thing I remember was Daniel trying to gently lay me down on the bed. It wasn't that he was doing a bad job of it, but my body was used to sleeping lightly. Groggily I opened my eyes, "Stay," I whispered to him.

And he did.

Fin


End file.
